for the love of creativity

I've been creative mindercising* lately. I've been excavating my creativity that I buried many, many, MANY moons ago. As I've been on this excavation process I have found that in the last month I keep seeing the world in snapshots. I'll be driving, walking, talking, working, or even taking the bus and I'll see something that catches my eye and in a flash it turns into a mental photograph. I also find myself to be constantly saying, "that would be an amazing photo."

I love photography. I love going on photography adventures in hopes that I'll stumble upon something that speaks to my soul.

Photography for me is therapeutic. Since I've been having this yearning to capture snapshots of the world around me, I thought to myself that my 4th Sunday Home Group** will be spent alone with Jesus and a camera. I'm planning to, not plan, and to not have any idea of what I think I should find or what would be an epic photo; but rather, to see where the Lord leads me, in hopes to see the world through His lens. I'm going to GO! and keep my heart, mind and spirit OPEN to what the Lord will show me.

Side Note: I'd like to give a shout out to Ray Rushing***, AMAZING photographer extraordinaire for lending me one of his Nikons, (or maybe I should say...trusting me with), to use for my creative outlet over the next few weeks.


Here's an example of one of those snapshots I see on a daily basis. I pass this particular spot often when I'm traveling back and forth from my Y office to our schools or the Boulder Y office. Yesterday it was dark and gloomy as the clouds were rolling in over the mountains full of fluffy white flakes. Something about it made me want to stop and just reflect for a moment. So, for once, I did just that. Stopped and looked. The only camera I had on me at the time was my camera phone, but I still felt compelled to take the photo. Something about the spot spoke to my spirit and wanted me to pause, and pray.

Then today, when running into Boulder, I came upon the same spot I see often and it looked completely different. It wasn't telling the same story. So, again, I pulled over and took a quick snapshot to remember what I was seeing today.

And that's one of the reasons I love photography. It takes a moment in time that will never happen again and captures it to be immortalized through a one of a kind photo. So, this will be my main creative outlet for the next month or two, or until I feel its time to move on to my next creative medium.

Here's to creative mindercising and getting arty*!

* Thanks Julia for the witty naming of our journey toward a creative mind! Your words are a creative experience in themselves.
**Origins does not have an in house service on the last Sunday of the month, but rather we gather in homes to love on each other and build our community. I have chosen to use said days, for the time being, to be alone with the Lord. Something I hardly ever do. But, this is my attempt to Raelynn date days with THE Big Guns. God, Jesus and the Holy Spirit.
*** Ray Rushing's webpage can be found by clicking, here!!

Renaissance Woman

Reloaded by Michel Keck

Lately, I've been channeling, and challenging, my inner creativity. There used to be a time when I had so many projects going that I couldn't keep up to get them done. I would be so excited about a new idea for a project that I would start a new one before the others were complete. Now it's all I can do to start even one. I dabble here and there with the fibre arts, but that's it. There are reasons why I quit that are obvious; but for the most part, I'm not sure why I quit creating. As I've quit, I've noticed that I've been 'off'' in my overall well being. It's who I am so why would I lay it aside? Or rather, what would compel me to want to lay it aside? Well, to answer my own question, it has much to do with the 2 'tion' words that have been a thorn in my side for way too long, my friends.

Validation.

Intimidation.

It's easy when you're from small town Oklahoma and you're known as the creative one. Expressing myself came easy then. When I moved to Boulder I was excited about all this city had to offer in the Arts. I love all things creative. If its a form of expression, I'm for it. Yet, after I moved here I found that creating was hard, no scratch that, it was unbearable for me. No matter how hard I tried I kept hitting a wall. For the longest time it was an invisible wall because I didn't know what was stopping me. Now the wall is painfully obvious and it's graffitied with all the fears, insecurities and doubts that I have about my 'creative' self. Now that I know the root of the issue, I've decided it's time it address them head on.

Regarding validation:

I'll never get the validation I want from those I admire and look up to, so I need to quit expecting what won't happen. Other people's validation is not what makes me an artist, creative, talented or even good. Really, it only boils down to their personal opinion, and their personal opinion is not what shapes and molds me. I can't allow their opinion to be the only defining factor of my life. Though we do learn from others, sometimes the people you are waiting on validation from is seasoned with biases and false expectation. Validation, I will admit, is a hard one to release. There are 2 very important people in my life that I've been painstakingly awaiting their approval. And recently the Lord has been showing me that I need to let go of that 'want' because I don't 'need' it. I think what is most difficult about this idea of releasing validation is the 2 particular people I want it from. I ADORE them. They are the 2 in my life that I've wanted to make proud. But as I wait...and wait....and wait for their validation, I'm not moving forward in my life. I'm second guessing everything I do. So, I've resigned myself to the fact that its not happening and the only thing I can do for myself is to move forward with realistic expectations and unambiguous perspective.

Regarding intimidation:

Oh my, oh my, oh my....intimidation. How do I overcome this one? This one is a bit harder to address. As I stated earlier, I was known as the creative one. Yet now I feel like a small fish in a big pond in the area of creativity. Every where I look I compare myself to others. I have a long list of reasons why I 'can't'; such as, "i don't paint as well as....", or "she sings much better than me", or "i only write for fun", or "this will never happen because i have less resources". The list goes on for miles and sadly there really are no good reasons why intimidation should take residence in my life. I believe the only way I'm going to be able to let intimidation go is to pick up the Nike slogan and "Just Do It!" Easier said than done? Yes. But does it need to be done? Hell yes! Not just need to be done, it is vital that I let go of intimidation. I know I'll have to keep working on this one continually in my life as I walk out my journey. For sure. I don't want to give up. I want to punch intimidation in the face and come out on top. I know I have it in me, I just need to keep moving and not grow lethargic when intimidation creeps its ugly head in my direction.

My goal:

To work towards my inner Renaissance Woman in the arts. A chapter in my personal life opus, per se. To make a point to recognize what and whom are good and real within me; and to also identify the what's and the who's that hold me back. By doing so, I can weed through what is life giving and what is not. I plan on busting down that graffitied wall of obstacles and move toward creating the life that is waiting for me to grab hold of it and live it.