Farewell February!

Dearest February,

It seems you arrived only yesterday; yet, here you are making your way out. You came and went before I knew what was happening. As is my life these days, flying by in a blur. Though you went by so fast, I do realize some good things happened during your stay. To name a few....

• I rekindled my love for the 'creative'. And every day I find ways to express it in a plethora of ways.
• I took more steps toward punching intimidation in the face. I'm still working on my right hook for the times it tries to creep up on me and keep me down.
• I, finally, spent some much needed alone time with Jesus. (I mean, I've been promising Him for some time that this would happen!)

So, though you are a short month February, I'm happy about what was accomplished during your stay.

Until 2011,

Me

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Here are some photos of my exploration of Nederland on my Jesus date with the lens. Unfortunately, it was a cloudy day, but I'm not disappointed as it was nice to get out, explore, be silent and just 'be'.

PS and by the way, I went to "Adoration" on Sunday night. It was a wonderful night of worship and resting in the Lord's presence. Not to mention a fabulous way to end my Jesus date. Plus, I was able to be with my fun friends at Highway Community in Boulder.

for the love of creativity

I've been creative mindercising* lately. I've been excavating my creativity that I buried many, many, MANY moons ago. As I've been on this excavation process I have found that in the last month I keep seeing the world in snapshots. I'll be driving, walking, talking, working, or even taking the bus and I'll see something that catches my eye and in a flash it turns into a mental photograph. I also find myself to be constantly saying, "that would be an amazing photo."

I love photography. I love going on photography adventures in hopes that I'll stumble upon something that speaks to my soul.

Photography for me is therapeutic. Since I've been having this yearning to capture snapshots of the world around me, I thought to myself that my 4th Sunday Home Group** will be spent alone with Jesus and a camera. I'm planning to, not plan, and to not have any idea of what I think I should find or what would be an epic photo; but rather, to see where the Lord leads me, in hopes to see the world through His lens. I'm going to GO! and keep my heart, mind and spirit OPEN to what the Lord will show me.

Side Note: I'd like to give a shout out to Ray Rushing***, AMAZING photographer extraordinaire for lending me one of his Nikons, (or maybe I should say...trusting me with), to use for my creative outlet over the next few weeks.


Here's an example of one of those snapshots I see on a daily basis. I pass this particular spot often when I'm traveling back and forth from my Y office to our schools or the Boulder Y office. Yesterday it was dark and gloomy as the clouds were rolling in over the mountains full of fluffy white flakes. Something about it made me want to stop and just reflect for a moment. So, for once, I did just that. Stopped and looked. The only camera I had on me at the time was my camera phone, but I still felt compelled to take the photo. Something about the spot spoke to my spirit and wanted me to pause, and pray.

Then today, when running into Boulder, I came upon the same spot I see often and it looked completely different. It wasn't telling the same story. So, again, I pulled over and took a quick snapshot to remember what I was seeing today.

And that's one of the reasons I love photography. It takes a moment in time that will never happen again and captures it to be immortalized through a one of a kind photo. So, this will be my main creative outlet for the next month or two, or until I feel its time to move on to my next creative medium.

Here's to creative mindercising and getting arty*!

* Thanks Julia for the witty naming of our journey toward a creative mind! Your words are a creative experience in themselves.
**Origins does not have an in house service on the last Sunday of the month, but rather we gather in homes to love on each other and build our community. I have chosen to use said days, for the time being, to be alone with the Lord. Something I hardly ever do. But, this is my attempt to Raelynn date days with THE Big Guns. God, Jesus and the Holy Spirit.
*** Ray Rushing's webpage can be found by clicking, here!!

Snow, again!?

Really?

I need the warmth of the sun on my face soon.



- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

a "p.s." & "by the way"

p.s.

You'll more than likely see some Creative Projects popping up on my blog from time to time as some other creative types and I have decided to get the creativity juices flowin'.

I'll do my best to post the projects here when I can!

by the way

we had a worship meeting/dinner/practice/dream gathering of sorts tonight. we discussed the things we'd like to try more often and be confident in as a team and personally. because of that, Aaron thought it would be great if we took a psalm and sang it to a random melody the Firle was playing so we could get used to singing freely by learning to follow the melody. when the iPhone (yes, we're that hip) headed my way with my verse I almost passed it on...but instead, gathered that courage and just did it. Another step at punching intimidation in the face.

Raelynn = 2, Intimidation =0

I'm starting to find my way more and more everyday. I'm quite enjoying it.

the Creative Experience: Project 1

Project 1: MAKE A FLIER OF YOUR DAY

Write a paragraph describing a typical day in
your life. Make one hundred Xerox fliers of the description (you don't
have to include your name) and post them all over your neighborhood.

D O C U M E N T A T I O N >

Take a picture of the flier and a photo of one of them posted in your neighborhood.

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A TYPICAL Day:
Also affectionately known as, a day in the crazy, random, sometimes stressful yet exciting life of THE Raelynn

Unfortunately, my alarm starts its horrible *beeping so that the neighbors can hear* process right around 645am. Boo to you alarm. Boo. To. You! Though I don’t want to, I force myself out of bed by 705am and begin the morning routine:
wash face,
make breakfast, drink morning tea,
put on really loud music and dance around house whilst getting dressed,
brush teeth, comb hair,
continue dancing/singing around house,
notice the time :: F! I’m late::,
run to the bus…
Dash, to the Jump, to the Y

Y…oh the Y. Why the Y? Why? Here my day consists of being underpaid, overworked, screamed at by entitled helicopter parents, micro-managed, put through the ringer, a few breaks with some enjoyable co-workers who make me laugh with a lunch in the middle where I will be “up in the gym just workin’ on my fitness.” I have witnesses. Yet, as much as the Y drives me batty, I also love knowing our main goal is to help families who really need us. (Insert tear here!)
And then finally, Yabba dabba doo it’s time to head home!!!!
Jump, to the Dash, to home*
*(or to hanging with fun friends where lots of goodness will be had!)

Home, I love you home; especially after a long grueling day at the Y. In the evening I have a multitude of activities:
Bad for me t.v.,
Making dinner
Singing/dancing
At some point I will begin the “oh so loved” social networking process:
Blogging, facebooking, tweeting,
internet perusing, and now iPhone-ing
At evening’s end I will quiet my mind with one or all of the following activities:
Knitting, painting, writing, picture looking
Reading, journaling
And finally, bed time prayer

Wash face, brush teeth and then: Nighty Night. We shall begin again tomorrow!!!!

Ughh!!!

My head feels like it's going to EXPLODE!

Boo to you, Sir sinus infection.

makin' waffles

Sometimes...it's the little things that make you smile and make a lazy Sunday morning fantastic.

i'm addicted...

...and it's only been a wee 27 hours.

So, uh....I'm an iPhone user, finally!!

whoop, whoop.

Plus, I got a fancy Kate Spade case because Nick was positive I was going to drop it and break it within the 1st week if I didn't. Thanks Nick for the vote of confidence. I just waited a mere 3 hours to go to another store in order to get one that fit my personality. Sheesh!!

And I did, for now anyway.

Yeah....

that's all.

Raelynn = 1, Intimidation = 0

Big Fat Cupcake

Today Jenn and I made our way to Denver so we could try some yummy goodness from Big Fat Cupcake. Of course, not thinking, we went the day before Valentine's Day and the choices were few and far between. The atmosphere was pleasing and made you feel downright giddy, the employees were friendly and most importantly, the cupcakes were divine.

Jenn's cupcake of choice was the Strawberry; and I chose Monkey Love--a Banana cupcake with cream cheese frosting! Both were topped off with edible glitter with conversation hearts and/or valentine sprinkles.

I was curious to try....but they were sold out of the Tiger Wood's cupcake, which is apparently available 'till he starts talking.'

It was scrumdiddlyumpcious. If you're ever in North Cherry Creek in Denver you should stop in and give it a try. Trust me, you won't be disappointed.

my personal *flair*

A friend and I had an impromptu conversation the other day when she was opening my refrigerator (or 'ice box and/or fridge' for you Midwesterners) and was looking at all my 'flair'--as she referred to it--upon the refrigerator door. She then preceded to tell me that my flair helped her learn more about me, merely by what was being displayed.

And yes, I would say, the flair on my 'fridge reveals about 33.7% of who I am and what I'm like; it can't all be mine especially since a few of the magnets reveal my roommate Tasia's personal flair. As you glance at it, those who know me well, know how much I love the Rio. Oh how those margaritas beckon me!! And lo and behold, in the bottom left corner you will find a Rio "marg" magnet reminding me that 3 is the limit. Then I have my favorite quotes to inspire me each day. I firmly believe we should all "dwell in possibility,"--and thank you Emily Dickinson for your friendly reminder. Of course, there are the places I've been and/or want to live; friends who are superstar acoustic playing ninjas; wedding reminders; as well as, the pics of those who are dear to my heart--& my roommate Tasia's of course--and the memories I will treasure for years to come.

(Obviously not all of you are on there; yet rest in the fact that I still absolutely adore you and more than likely you are hanging elsewhere in my home.)

I think the magnet that describes the me I desire to be most accurately was bought for me out of the blue by my supervisor at work. She said when she saw it, she immediately thought of me. And when someone tells you something like that before handing over the trinket they found that * best describes* you from their opinion they've formed of you, you smile and hope with all your might that its not something crass or tacky, and is close to who you believe you are. Then there's that fear that of "what if how I see myself doesn't line up with how other's see me?" ::insert biting knuckles here:: I know, I know. I'm psychotic at times but these are the things that run amuck in my head. But alas, I loved how she saw me and I feel it's an accurate description of me; or at least, the me I try to be.

And, YES, I am fairly certain that given a cape and a nice tiara, I could save the world. I wholeheartedly do. At least in my wildest, full of faith, livin' on love and in the goodness of the Lord dreams...I, my friends, can change the world for the better.

Ever since this conversation with my friend about my 'fridge flair, it made me start to notice the 'flair' we, or really I, have in other places of our lives. The way we dress, the foods we choose, the social activities we participate in, the issues we fight for, where we are passionate, to name a few. Basically, all the many ways in which we identify who we are. And it made me start to take a good look at myself to make sure I'm accurately presenting who I am and who I want to be. And trust me, I know that because my lack of patience, my grumpiness, my neurotic anxiety at times, my sensitivities and yes, even how high strung I am when life is falling apart all around me...my flair is not always what I want to give off as my personal representation. Nor is it pretty, loving or becoming. Which in turn made me ponder more about how I'm presenting myself daily, because the most important thing I want to have portrayed is that I'm loving and that I love ALL. I mean, I have love tattooed on my arm for goodness sake. My seal and mantra that is permanently placed upon my arm to remind me that above all I am to love. And though there are days that I fail miserably, I still make a point to make sure I am putting forth love above all else. Yes, even when its a challenge. And I may not have it all down right now, but that's okay. As long as I keep striving forward and reminding myself to love, passionately and unashamedly. Eventually the who I know I am on the inside, will be who I portray on the outside. And when other's see my *flair* they will know that above all, I LOVE.

i feel like i've been run over by a Mack truck tonight.

oy vey!


and most importantly, i want to be on this island right now. i'm longing for my upcoming summer away in Southern Europe.

Fact/Fiction

Fact: When my roommate's away I listen to worship music on decibels that should be outlawed; and then proceed to dance and sing around my house to my heart's content. I tend to get completely immersed in worship during these moments; so much so, that I wouldn't notice if she walked in the house.

Fiction: I would be embarrassed if she came home and caught me.

In the words of King David, "I will become even more undignified than this"!

Renaissance Woman

Reloaded by Michel Keck

Lately, I've been channeling, and challenging, my inner creativity. There used to be a time when I had so many projects going that I couldn't keep up to get them done. I would be so excited about a new idea for a project that I would start a new one before the others were complete. Now it's all I can do to start even one. I dabble here and there with the fibre arts, but that's it. There are reasons why I quit that are obvious; but for the most part, I'm not sure why I quit creating. As I've quit, I've noticed that I've been 'off'' in my overall well being. It's who I am so why would I lay it aside? Or rather, what would compel me to want to lay it aside? Well, to answer my own question, it has much to do with the 2 'tion' words that have been a thorn in my side for way too long, my friends.

Validation.

Intimidation.

It's easy when you're from small town Oklahoma and you're known as the creative one. Expressing myself came easy then. When I moved to Boulder I was excited about all this city had to offer in the Arts. I love all things creative. If its a form of expression, I'm for it. Yet, after I moved here I found that creating was hard, no scratch that, it was unbearable for me. No matter how hard I tried I kept hitting a wall. For the longest time it was an invisible wall because I didn't know what was stopping me. Now the wall is painfully obvious and it's graffitied with all the fears, insecurities and doubts that I have about my 'creative' self. Now that I know the root of the issue, I've decided it's time it address them head on.

Regarding validation:

I'll never get the validation I want from those I admire and look up to, so I need to quit expecting what won't happen. Other people's validation is not what makes me an artist, creative, talented or even good. Really, it only boils down to their personal opinion, and their personal opinion is not what shapes and molds me. I can't allow their opinion to be the only defining factor of my life. Though we do learn from others, sometimes the people you are waiting on validation from is seasoned with biases and false expectation. Validation, I will admit, is a hard one to release. There are 2 very important people in my life that I've been painstakingly awaiting their approval. And recently the Lord has been showing me that I need to let go of that 'want' because I don't 'need' it. I think what is most difficult about this idea of releasing validation is the 2 particular people I want it from. I ADORE them. They are the 2 in my life that I've wanted to make proud. But as I wait...and wait....and wait for their validation, I'm not moving forward in my life. I'm second guessing everything I do. So, I've resigned myself to the fact that its not happening and the only thing I can do for myself is to move forward with realistic expectations and unambiguous perspective.

Regarding intimidation:

Oh my, oh my, oh my....intimidation. How do I overcome this one? This one is a bit harder to address. As I stated earlier, I was known as the creative one. Yet now I feel like a small fish in a big pond in the area of creativity. Every where I look I compare myself to others. I have a long list of reasons why I 'can't'; such as, "i don't paint as well as....", or "she sings much better than me", or "i only write for fun", or "this will never happen because i have less resources". The list goes on for miles and sadly there really are no good reasons why intimidation should take residence in my life. I believe the only way I'm going to be able to let intimidation go is to pick up the Nike slogan and "Just Do It!" Easier said than done? Yes. But does it need to be done? Hell yes! Not just need to be done, it is vital that I let go of intimidation. I know I'll have to keep working on this one continually in my life as I walk out my journey. For sure. I don't want to give up. I want to punch intimidation in the face and come out on top. I know I have it in me, I just need to keep moving and not grow lethargic when intimidation creeps its ugly head in my direction.

My goal:

To work towards my inner Renaissance Woman in the arts. A chapter in my personal life opus, per se. To make a point to recognize what and whom are good and real within me; and to also identify the what's and the who's that hold me back. By doing so, I can weed through what is life giving and what is not. I plan on busting down that graffitied wall of obstacles and move toward creating the life that is waiting for me to grab hold of it and live it.

Shoes!!!

As I've noted on a few earlier posts, I was blessed with a very large gift certificate to DSW a couple of weeks ago. Yesterday I took my gift card for a little spin. I had a couple of ideas what I wanted but really did not have anything concrete. I really wanted to go in and "see" what they had and go from there. When I walked in I felt like a kid in a candy store; overwhelmingly excited from the expectation of getting something yummy in a store of too many choices. I did, however, settle on a few things that I am excited to add to my collection of shoes and accessories. I was able to get a pair of cowboy boots, red patent leather ballet flats, running shoes--which I desperately need since I get Peggy-ed once a week and my running shoes are shot now, 2 scarves--one red, one black, and last but certainly not least, a red Nine West slouch purse. Love it, love it, LOVE IT ALL!!! I was so blessed. And am thankful to our CEO and Board Members at the Y that wanted to show a few of us their appreciation for the hard work we've put in the last year during our budget 'crisis'.

Here's a photo of the loot....



I'm soooo excited about my cowboy boots. The Oklahoma girl is always in me, for sure. Fun fact: When I was in middle school I loved wearing wranglers and boots. Yep, I really did. So for my 12th birthday my grandpa Rod took me to Tener's and hooked me up with all I needed to live my Oklahoma cowgirl dreams. I hear the country music welling up inside me as I type this blog even now.



My other fav purchase I'm excited to wear, but not today as its snowing upon my "i want to wear my new shoes day" are the red patent leather Steve Madden flats. Those of you who know me, know that I have a love affair with Stevie. So I was super excited to get these gems.




And if you can believe it or not, which I myself am having a hard time believing...I still have about a 1/4 of my gift certificate left. But, I want to save it for a few pairs of summer sandals!! Overall my shoe shopping experience was a definite blessing and the first time I've ever been able to say, "I'll take that and that and that and..." and not suffer from shoppers guilt after walking out the door. So fun. The YMCA certainly knew how to shower me with a 'love gesture' I wasn't expecting at all.

Celebrating Jenn!!

It was 2 weeks after the fact--thanks for your patience Jenn--but tonight we finally got around to celebrating Jenn and her 25th year. We thought a little down home feel was needed to make it fabulous. What do you do? Well you head on over to Cracker Barrel for a yummyliscious-home cookin'-full of carbs-oh my gosh i'll never eat again dinner.

We (Sarah, Jenn & I) had a great time laughing, reminiscing of home...aka Oklahoma...and trying to get a high score on the peg game that supposedly tests your IQ. Which I sucked at horribly. Shhhh, don't say it. After many attempts at getting past the 3 remaining pegs mark I was stuck at, I believe I commented on the fact that I needed to work on some left brain skills such as logic problems, and what not. Sarah suggested we write with our left hand more often.



Regardless of my epic failure at becoming a genius on the peg game, much fun was had by all. Especially when our carb filled yumminess arrived, the peg game was forgotten as we noshed on mashed potatoes, mac-n-cheese, fried okra, dumplings and chicken fried steak. It was a smorgasbord of southern comfort. I can honestly say that I agree with Sarah when she noted that we are not conditioned to eat that way anymore. It was delicious, but after the fact...I was, no scratch that, I AM in pain. Especially since I've been working with a trainer. I just know that when I meet Peggy tomorrow I will be sweating out gravy and butter from my pores. That's going to go over well. But I digress....

We had a blast and enjoyed each other's company. I relished the fact that tonight, as I've been missing my family and my Great State of Oklahoma, I was able to feel a bit more at 'home' than I've felt in awhile. When Jenn, Sarah and I are together life somehow makes sense and a piece of what's missing or lacking in my life gets nourished by the goodness of friends who know me, love me and have journeyed with me--not only figuratively, but literally.


Again, Happy Birthday Jenn. You are loved and adored. I'm blessed by your friendship. I hope Steve enjoys Robbie P as much as you, as I know you'll have him on the flat screen often. wink wink!!

Joys & Concerns

In our Y programs during group time, we let the kids tell us their joys and concerns. Today I've noticed that I've had my own set of joys and concerns running amuck in my head. They are as follows (and in no particular order of importance!):

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Joy = It's February 1st. and I really like the month of February as a lot of 'good' things happen, or have the opportunity to happen.

Concern = Finding gray hair. Enough said.

Joy = I made it through a Monday of work and didn't want to jump off the building. And was actually thanked for going above and beyond.

Concern = My family in Oklahoma has been struggling through the winter ice storms with no power and lack of necessities the past few days.

Joy = God is good...all the time. Even when I don't think so, He's still good. He just is.

Concern = In the words of Rebecca...my faith is slightly asthmatic and I need a puff from God's inhaler.

Joy = I'm getting in touch with my 'roots'--for lack of a better word--and digging up those things (gifts, talents, etc.) I've hidden away that are vital to me and my DNA make up in God's plan. I guess you could say I've been doing some personal excavation.

Concern = There is so much hurting in the world. It breaks my heart to the point where I literally can't breathe when I focus on any of it. It just doesn't make sense and I am overwhelmed with knowing I can't stop the hurting.

Joy = I've been loving listening to classical music the past week. Andrea Bocelli, Luciano Pavarotti, Yo-Yo Ma, Placido Domingo, Mozart and Beethoven to name a few.

Concern = I miss my Papa Jack. More than likely brought on from the classical music, as he was the one who introduced me to classical music at a very young age.

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